So Bea Arthur died on Saturday. Don’t ask how, but this eventually brought me to Fred Penner‘s Wikipedia entry, which lead me to an extensive discussion on his #1 smash hit single, “The Cat Came Back“.

And, wow, the lyrics! The death count is unreal.

Verse 2: 1 man, blown into 97 bits by dynamite
Verse 3: 1 little boy, drowned
Verse 4: 1 man, hot air balloon crash (presumed dead)
Verse 5: Train derailed, killing all on board
Verse 7: Boat capsizes, killing all on board
Verse 9: Seven little kittens, killed by a cyclone
Verse 10: Atom bomb destroys Russia, England, and the USA (approx. 500 million people)

Contrast this to the movie I watched tonight, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, where only sixteen people die.

This was not The Cat Came Back I remember from my childhood. Indeed, M. Penner rewrote the lyrics to remove any mention of death (at least, human related death). He also worked “Hit The Road Jack” and k-os’s “Crabbuckit” into the melody (which is actually pretty awesome!).

But still, Issac Brock needs to get on this shit!

He gave it to a little boy with a dollar note,
Told him for to take it up the river in a boat;
They tied a rope around its neck, it must have weighed a pound
Now they drag the river for a little boy that’s drowned.

Bad ass.

BONUS: Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson teach us about drugs: